Advice

I read a group of interviews recently where the interviewees were all asked what was the best advice they had ever gotten. It started me thinking. I mean, how do you choose just one?

 

More than one person answered how their parents had told them they could do anything they wanted if they put their mind to it. That resonates with me. And it is important - even if it is a familiar refrain. To know that there is at least one person in the world who believes that about you is powerful stuff. But it is intimidating, too, thinking about all those things you could do. How to choose? How to know you made the right choice?
 

That reminded me of a piece of advice I got almost 20 years ago. It may not be the most significant, but it is one of my favorites.

I spent the first semester of graduate school in Italy. We lived in Cortona, but traveled to other cities/towns every weekend. The ceramics students went one day to the town of Deruta, where they make beautiful decorated pottery. I remember all of us wandering around a warehouse-sized shop, completely overwhelmed. There were so many beautiful options. Different shapes and sizes and patterns and colors. Everyone wanted to buy something, but how to choose?

It was something like this. See? Isn’t it ALL lovely?

I’ll never forget what Brad - the professor - said to us. “Just pick something. Anything. As soon as you walk out the door, it will be perfect.”

This is what I picked - two mugs and a platter like this. He was right. They are perfect.

 

I have thought of that day so many times. It really helps when I’m feeling overwhelmed and fearful of making the wrong choice. I can tell myself, “Just pick something. It will be perfect.” So I’ve made choices - to live in East Nashville, to work at HealthStream, and occasionally to spend an afternoon doing absolutely nothing. And they have all been good choices.
 

We - my friends and family - are so lucky. We live in a first world country, are educated, have opportunity, and, for the most part, are healthy. The vast majority of the choices available to us are really wonderful ones. The important thing is to make a choice, so that you can move forward, experience life, and not be paralyzed by options. 

Have I made different choices as a result of the cancer diagnosis? Perhaps that is a question I need to ask myself again in a few years. For now, though, I think what it has done is make me a little happier with the choices I have made. A little more forgiving of any that seem . . . misguided. To feel less guilty about leaving behind the laundry and yard work in favor of an afternoon sitting by the pool, with friends, doing nothing.

Thinking Pink? - Know Before you Buy

Ahhh, October.
The chill in the air. The clear skies. The changing leaves. The . . . the  . . what?

I'm just going to say it. It bothers me. All the pink. Pink ribbons EVERYWHERE. Pink products EVERYWHERE. As if everyone is decorating for a party - a party celebrating breast cancer. It feels like all these companies selling pink products are taking advantage, making money off of this disease, making money off of me.

I know, I know, donations for breast cancer awareness and research are a good thing. Awareness is a good thing. Money going towards finding a cure is a good thing. Many people mean well. But it is also a brilliant marketing strategy - one that we should take with a grain of salt (is anyone selling pink salt?)

All I ask is that you take awareness to another level and be aware of these three things before you decorate yourself with pink bracelets and buy that pink guitar (or watermelon. Get it? Melons > breasts!):

1. What are you buying? Do you really want that? Do you really want a pink one?


2. Where does the donated money go? Does the company tell you? Do you want to donate to that particular organization? The Breast Cancer Research Foundation has a good reputation for funding actual research and not just awareness. The American Cancer Society funds all kinds of programs benefitting current cancer patients as well as research towards preventing and curing cancer. Susan G. Komen Foundation is more controversial these days. Make your own decision - just know where the money is going first.


3. How much money is being donated? Is it a percentage? Is there a limit to how much will be donated? Have they already reached that limit? Some companies push pink products in October, capitalizing on your generosity, yet give nothing. Others may give 1-3%. If you are going to go pink for "the cause," make sure at least 20-50% of the purchase price goes to the organization you want to support.

It's tempting to buy pink. I realize that. It is pretty and you want to support a good cause. Remember, you can always make a donation directly to the organization you want to support. I assure you, they will take your money. Then you can go out and buy whatever color guitar you want.

More Info

Here are some links that you might find helpful if you are interested in what is really behind all of this pink:
Breast Cancer Research Foundation - real products, real info
Breast Cancer Research Foundation - Pink Disclosure
Think Before You Pink
Pinkwashing - Pink products that may actually increase your risk of breast cancer.
BBB: Thinking pink? Product ties to breast cancer charities bear some scrutiny

And here is one organization that gives all of the net proceeds from the sale of their items to your choice of breast cancer organization. There are some cute things, too!
Warriors in Pink

The Rest of the Story

I’m tempted to put a lot of words around this story, but will try not to say too much. One thing I learned last year is that not everything has to be explained and dissected. Not everything can be. Sometimes, it is better to just sit with a feeling. Let it happen.

Last August I wrote a CaringBridge post about a little girl I met in an ice cream shop. Well, I recently learned a little more about that girl and heard the other side of the story. I’d like to share that with you. First, here is the post I wrote last year:

Quiet Child

Written Aug 6, 2011

The other night I went to Jeni’s ice cream on Eastland, after having dinner at the Silly Goose. Not that I need to go anywhere for ice cream - I have a stash of frozen treats in my freezer already. But it’s the new place and I wanted to try it out so do I really have to explain? There was a line, which surprised me for a Wednesday evening. And it was black and white and shiny on the inside - not really like East Nashville. I feel this neighborhood changing all the time.

Ahead of us in line were two couples together. One of the men was holding a small child. She had curly dark hair and big eyes and looked sleepy. She stared at me and I waved my fingers at her, then she just reached out her arms. She kept them out until the person holding her noticed. Well, look at that, he said, she really wants to go to you. Would you like to hold her? I thought about white cell counts and germs and children, then opened my arms and took her. She settled into my side and stared at my face and was perfectly quiet and content. I wondered if I reminded her of someone. Her eyes melted into me. Once or twice, the other people tried to get her attention or coax her back, but she ignored them, not making a sound, staring at me. I held her until they all had their ice cream and then handed her back. She went without complaint and we went on to order some amazing ice cream.

This is probably the point at which I should write something really profound. Maybe about the innocence of children, or unspoken communication, or the fundamentally peaceful influence of ice cream. Maybe there was something profound. Or maybe just the simplicity of a moment. All I know is, it felt good to be holding this child for a little while.

Back to today:
This week I did some random Googling for an illustrator in Nashville. I’ve got a little children’s book I’ve written about Eloise and it would be fun to get it illustrated - more about that another time. As sometimes happens with Google, I found myself going down the rabbit hole of barely related results. There was a link to a blog of a Nashville woman who was giving away an illustration done by an artist in Massachusetts. Not exactly what I needed, but I started reading the blog anyway because I liked the illustrator’s style.

Something about this blog made me think of the Quiet Child. I can’t explain it. There was a picture of a little girl the couple had adopted, but the age was wrong for it to be the Quiet Child. Still, there were references to East Nashville and Jeni’s Ice Cream and, after I dug a little deeper, another foster child that they had for a short time last year.

At the risk of appearing like a stalker or crazy person, I emailed the blogger and asked her if they might have been the people I met last year. The next day, I got a response. Holding my breath, I opened it and this is what it said [names redacted for privacy].

“Thanks for reaching out! It doesn't seem weird at all. In fact, my husband and I have thought about that experience many times. The little girl's name is L. She was with us last year from the end of July until the beginning of September. J. and I are foster parents and she was the first little girl placed with us. She totally changed our lives as we experienced love in a new, deeper way after getting to be her parents for 5 weeks. We became foster parents because we wanted to share the love we've felt through Christ with children in need, kids who have been hurt and known pain that kids shouldn't have to know. We hadn't expected that one of the kids might reach out and show someone else love, unrestrained and more freely than we know how to do as adults. L. was a sweet girl and not scared of strangers but that was the only time she ever reached out for someone she didn't know to hold her like that. It meant something to us as well. We guessed that you were probably going through chemo and an unpleasant time and after the fact suggested that maybe she had made your day. Your email brought tears to both J's and my eyes.”

The little girl had indeed made my day and this email, over a year later, made my day again. It makes me feel like we have some kind of bond - all of us going through something life changing and coming out the other side. I know it was heartbreaking for them to have to give up L., but here they are now with a lovely child they were able to adopt. And of course, for me, there were many challenges last year. But here I am now, feeling good and in love and grateful for all the small blessings.